Sesame Swallow | The Christmas Caper (Pt 5 of 6)
A Holiday Mini-Mystery: Xmas Chaos
A whirlwind of sensations hit us when we whipped into the kitchen. I hadn’t expected it to be so full of life or so much like a real restaurant kitchen. The place was bustling with movement, and the clamor of knives and pans and laughter and sizzling was like its own little Christmas party, but one that felt more alive than the one we’d seen upstairs. While everything on the third floor was all polite conversation zombies and bad music, the kitchen in the neighborhood center had its own vibe. It felt like my people, like the Baltimore buzz.
The smell of sizzling meat wafted by and my stomach rumbled,a reminder that our reservations in Fells Point were now done and done. Yeah, the City of Frederick was about to experience a catastrophic loss if we didn’t act quickly, but my girls and I were about to shift into hangry mode, and that was just as dangerous from where I was standing. Speaking of which, it only took a sec to find the blonde in the back corner waving her arms. It was time to put our plan into action.
“Hey, girl, hey.” Linds waved us over. “We’ve been waiting here for you.”
“Do you have the bauble? The ornament?” Teddy stepped forward, and I noticed he looked no worse for the wear. “We’re almost out of time. The mayor keeps texting me. Please, Ses, tell me you have it. I need this job.”
Desperation is not a pretty look in anyone, but especially in a friend. So it was time to drop the plan on him. I put my hand up to stave off any more questions, clapped him on his shoulder as I pushed past, and pulled our little team into a huddle in the kitchen’s corner.
“Okay, listen, do we have eyes on Jack?” I turned my focus on Teddy. Everything that was about to happen depended on him, and this was his chance to be the hero again. I’d gotten through those CJ classes with his help, and we’d get through this case the same way — Teddy being Teddy — sweet, innocent, helpful to a fault and never even thinking of what he was going to get out of it. “The deputy mayor’s husband? Has he been down here?”
Teddy shook his head. “And you haven’t seen Jack Smythe since we got here.”
“No. Why?”
I looked at Regan and back again to Teddy, hoping that the answer to the next question was gonna be the one we needed. There was like fifteen minutes left. “Teddy, what does the deputy mayor’s hubs look like? Does he drive a black SUV? An Explorer?”
Teddy’s face screwed up, as if the pieces were clicking into place. “Oh, no way. He’s the nicest guy. The deputy mayor, too. They’ve been so helpful. I interviewed with Mr. Smythe — James, that is, right in his office, which is just down the hall from the mayor’s. He’s been with us since before she won the election. Jack brings us snacks and cookies and arranges all our parties and luncheons. The man bakes, for Christ sake.”
“Teddy?” I glanced at my watch. We were running out of time. They’d be gathering everyone up to go across the street in a few, and all I knew is I didn’t want to slog through that slosh and snow with them or go tell the mayor we didn’t have the bauble. I wanted this done, and I wanted food. All the damn cooking around us was hitting me right in the belly, and I wanted us to get the hell out of here and away from whatever political squabble was going to happen next over the silly Christmas ornament. “Teddy, the car. Does he drive a black Explorer?” Teddy nodded.
“And he’s a big guy? Loves his food?” Teddy nodded again.
“The Deputy Mayor and his husband are the thieves?” Lindsay blurted out, and before I could even react, Regan leaned over and clapped her hand over our friend’s big mouth.
“Shush, girl. We ain’t got the thing yet. Don’t alert the media with that yap of yours.”
Linds glowered behind the hand over her mouth, then she nodded and Regan pulled her hand away. “What do we do?” This time her voice was the barest of whispers. “Are we gonna steal it back? You’re gonna make me cause the distraction again, aren’t you? I’m always the distraction.”
“Ten minutes, kids. We have ten minutes. Here’s the plan. We need to get Mr. Food Blogger down here and confront him, but I need him not to suspect anything, so we’re going to play a game.” I watched Lindsay’s eyes light up. She squealed when I said, “Linds, you’re not the distraction. You’re the bait. You’re going to play a rival food blogger and restaurant critic. I want you to walk around and make noise, ask all the questions. Find Meighan Right and ask her about whatever it is that you’ve tasted so far that you’re not that pleased with. Can you do that?”
“Can I?” She practically jumped up and down. “Do I need to — what if she wants to know who I write for? What my website is? Do I have time to make up an alias? What should I ask her about? How does this sound — The Sassy Snacker? Does that sound believable?”
“Love it, Linds,” said Regan, taking our girl by the shoulders and turning her around. We’d been over the plan in the car, and Regan knew just what to do to manage our mostly unmanageable friend. “Come on, now. I need your finest performance with no prep. I’m your friend who accompanies you on food tours and stuff. I need you to kick it up to Lindsay Rains levels of energy.”
And they were off, leaving me with Teddy, who’s part was up next. “Teddy, buddy, friend. It’s time to lie for your boss and your job, okay? I need you to head upstairs and find Jack and get him down here. Tell him there’s a food critic loose in the kitchen, and his recommendation for the caterer is about to take a massive hit, as is his blog’s credibility. I need him down here like his hair’s on fire.”
“He’s bald.”
I rolled my eyes. “Then set his Christmas balls on fire, Teddy. I don’t care. Just get him down here.”
“You think he has the bauble? But why? Why would they do that?”
“Teddy, Shelby Stevens paid the ice sculptor a thousand dollars to steal that stupid ornament, and her assistant went to pick it up, only someone else got it. A heavy set guy in a black Explorer. It clearly matters to everyone around here, but I’m pretty sure it was Jack who got in there and got it. And so you need to get him down here right now. Like immediately. Tell him the kitchen is on fire, if you have to. And get his husband down here, too, the deputy mayor, whatever you do. If Jack handed the bauble over to his hubs already, then we need them both down here.”
The poor guy looked so far out of his depth here. It made me wonder what kind of work he actually did. He was a brain in college, but here he just seemed not ready for the world, almost shaking in his loafers. “Are you sure?”
“Teddy, if your boss doesn’t put the bauble on the tree, who benefits?”
He just stared, then nodded, his eyes narrowing. “They’re trying to sabotage their own people? We can’t let that happen to Mayor Carter. She’s really great. She really cares for the City of Frederick. And she’s a great boss.”
“She won’t be much longer if she doesn’t get that ornament on the tree. Now, run up there and get them. Fast! We’re out of time.” I spun him around like I was his mother, which was a little unsettling considering I’d let him take me out for a drink once as a thankyou for helping me with a midterm. He’d been awkward as fuck about it, but he’d tried to take me home. Had to give him credit for trying.
But now he had to deliver. And if he was successful, well, I’d let him take us to dinner. Seemed like a pretty reasonable transaction — his career in Frederick politics for a nice steak dinner with three hot chicks? What guy wouldn’t?
I stood back and watched Teddy leave, and then, across the kitchen, I saw Lindsay making her move. Her platinum blonde locks bounced from food station to food station, Regan her shadow as she engaged the kitchen workers near what looked like a few dozen baby quiches, a pair of pies and a small army of gingerbread men. She worked the room like a master, something I’d seen so many times before — not when we were solving cases, but in social events. Where Regan was happy to stay in the background and not be noticed, Lindsay was a shining star on the top of everyone’s Christmas tree.
The Lindsay lunacy kicked into effect with the quickness, adding to the Christmas chaos on the third floor, the surest sign being the caterer sweeping into the room. Mrs. Claus was back in the building, her reindeer rallying around her, and for a moment, I was sure there was going to be a holiday hullabaloo.
And right on time, like the pro he was, Teddy came through. The decibel levels peaked when a tall, heavy bald man in a dark suit burst through the doors just steps behind the caterer, barking at everyone around him. He led a small entourage, including the deputy mayor, like he wore the pants in the building. And that, I realized, is what I’d noticed when we’d come in — the deputy mayor surrounded by people while the mayor worked on the Christmas tree with her loyal assistant. Were they already setting up their own team, siphoning people away from the mayor? And was this their move? Disgrace her and push her out so James Smythe could step in with her record and her network intact?
Then Teddy appeared, leading the mayor right to the circle that had gathered around Linds. This was the moment, everyone in place. I took a deep breath and checked my watch. She couldn’t hold them for long, and it was time for everyone to get going. Whatever was going to happen had to happen fast. As I stepped away from my secluded spot, my stomach growled, letting me know it was my turn to deliver a performance and then go get rewarded with a tasty dinner.
There was only one way to get this done — hard and fast. Shock and awe. Any man that walked into a room to demand something that didn’t belong to him and then drive away with it, leaving behind a bleeding body and a scared woman deserved whatever the fuck he got. And I was happy to give him that gift.
Regan cleared the way for me as nearly a dozen caterers wearing reindeer antlers, a half dozen cooks, a random number of onlookers from the party, two politicians and their minions, and a caterer dressed as Santa’s wife were going round and round with Lindsay Rains like a heavyweight elf fight. I shut it all down with a few choice words.
